The Finish Line
So sometime during my college days, about 3–4 years ago, I had discovered these websites where you can connect to strangers and have a chat. Websites like Omegle. Ultimate boredom took me there and I realized not many are interested in chatting with you. It would be a miracle if someone genuinely was bored and decided to have a 2–3 min chat. Guys would disconnect when they realized I am a guy and girls when they realized I am an Indian (Yeah. Good job my fellow Indian guys. You managed to creep most girls online. I can only imagine how). But now and then I would find people who would exchange a very generic Q & A with me and end with “Bye. Have a good day”.
On one such jobless day I had opened the website on one tab while watching some TV series on the other. I connect to this stranger and the first thing he/she says:
“I am gonna kill myself”
Now here I was watching a sitcom and forcing out a smile to sync with the background laughter tracks and suddenly time stopped.
What did I drag myself into?! This stranger is gonna kill him(her)self? And I KNOW about it?! What if it’s just a joke? BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT ?!
A little back story here. My parents have always taught me suicide is a bad thing. Whenever it came up on news, I would hear why it shouldn’t be an option. I even sometimes felt those who chose it were cowards and selfish for not giving a damn about everybody who would be left in a disaster. But then, just a few weeks before the story I am telling you, I had watched the first season of 13 Reasons Why. All the while I was cursing Hannah for choosing the wrong things, wrong people and everything. But by the end of the season, I felt as if I understood there is more to a suicide than I had imagined. And the first thing and perhaps the only thing that stuck with me was, she had no one to talk to. Now back to the story.
“What the hell!!”
“Am I now responsible to talk this person out? Damn. That’s scary! I could just disconnect. But Hannah! AAAHHHH! “. All this, while staring at the screen with biscuits in my mouth I was enjoying watching comedy on my bed. But I realized it was time to act. So I texted.. “Hey”.
I just started casually asking about who he/she was and where from. Turns out it was a girl. Damn you Hannah. Now it’s more like the series. -_- For a person who opened with “I am gonna kill myself”, she was replying quite normally to my texts for a while. “How old are you?”, “How is the weather there?”, “What time it is at your place?” etc etc. And then, I finally asked.
“Hey, but why though?”
And her reply boiled my blood. It was some relationship crap. So you chose to put an innocent me into trouble for some douche bag? But hey, again.. Hannah. So I just asked and she started typing about how he hurt her and how she is holding a knife now. (OH MY GAAWWD!!) and just wanted to talk to someone before she did anything. (LUCKY ME -_-)
Rest aside, I somehow managed to divert the topic from all that and we talked about her work, parents blah blah.. because there is no way a stranger like me could understand her side of the story and of course I wont have any solutions for her problems. So I cracked a few cliche jokes to which she replied “Haha” (as fake as fake could get). I ended with saying some high level philosophical stuff and did my best to make sure I do my part. I said “I am sure you are awesome. Don’t let all this get to you.” etc etc. (To guys reading this. Although no girl gave feedback explicitly, I think they like it when you say “you are awesome”. Try it out when in need :P) I don’t remember much of it but it ended with her texting
“Thanks :)”
Her “Haha” had no smiley but this “Thanks” did. I took it as an opportunity to get the hell out of the chat and said “Stay safe. Bye :)”. I did my part. I can only hope that one hour made her realize she was being stupid.
You know, I have personally known about 3 people from my college who chose this demonic path. One of them was a guy, a really cool guy who just weeks before had said “Bhaiya, let’s play Call of Duty after exams” and then he was no more by the end of exams. I don’t claim their problems were not worth it. To them, it might have been. But just listen. When I, a stranger could talk to a random person keeping my sitcom and biscuits aside for over an hour and try to make her realize what she was planing to do was not right, I don’t understand why those people didn’t even consider letting someone else in on their plan. You know, this depression and suicide related posts and writings can be written decorated with literary crap like “The world was crumbling over me”. “ I could feel the wind biting me before I planned to jump off the bridge”. “The waves invited me warmly into their arms” and all that. But understand it’s more than some beautiful content for poems, books and posts. They felt all that because all of their senses were heightened and body screamed “You dumb fuck. Get back home! RIGHT NOW!”. And those people who were saved by something or someone have lived to write those literary “masterpieces”. Maybe you can too but I hope nothing takes you to that edge. But if it ever does, just remember one thing.
Convince a sane person why what you plan to do is justified and then take a decision!
A friend, a relative or even some random stranger continents away watching a comedy show. Let them in on your plans and try to convince them. Find someone who will listen and wait for them to say “Yeah you are right. Go ahead.”
If you don’t get a “go ahead”, GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE AND GO HOME TO YOUR PEOPLE. It’s that simple.
I am sure when you are limping along the track and you slow down, there is at least one person out there in the crowd who will yell at you
